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So, here I was, minding my own business…. packing to go to a conference. The TV was on in the background. Mistake. Big one. Instead of heading for bed early, here I sit — posting about a pothole.
I have written about parents who volunteer to serve detention (so that their child doesn’t have to) and even about one who drove the get-away car (for a robbery). I think that sometimes ‘extreme’ examples are a good way to learn. And, in these cases I was talking about helping our kids learn to take responsibility for themselves. I thought I’d run out of headlines for ‘inspiration.’ No such luck.
A young Virginia boy was riding his bike and (somehow) hit a pothole, went over the handlebars and broke his wrist. His Mom is suing the city. When asked why the city should be held responsible she replied “Hellooooo.” Really. That was her comment.
Am I missing something here?
Of course I feel sad for any 9-year-old with a broken wrist — it hurts. It’s unfortunate. And I understand feeling angry when my child has suffered an injury. I think those feelings are normal and natural. And of course cities and towns should to their best to make necessary repairs to roads.
Back to kids falling off of bicycles and getting hurt. It happens. Riding a bike and conquering gravity are not easy skills to master. But a broken wrist in not a fatality. Painful? Inconvenient? Scary? Sure. But all actions have consequences. Even driving our bikes through a pothole.
Your thoughts please? Am I being mean? Or is this Mom missing a golden opportunity to teach her child to be more aware of his surroundings and responsible for his own well-being?
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19 Responses to “A Pothole, a Bicycle and a Broken Thought Pattern?”
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You are not missing anything. This is symptomatic of everything that is wrong in our country today. I believe in a system of social organizations that helps those most unfortunate but I also believe that we are “entitled” to very little, if anything at all. But Americans seem to think that everyone owes them something. Too bad these same self-absorbed “entitled” kids will be running the country when we are old!
When I was growing up, kids fell of their bikes and nobody got sued. Same when my son was coming up. In fact, he was once hit by a car — on school property. (He was going on a picnic with some friends to celebrate the last day of kindergarten.)
Terrifying? Absolutely. $$$ jackpot? No way. It was an accident. Do I still feel sick in my stomach when I think about the call from school? Of course I do. We went to the ER, (by ambulance) and a few days later he was back to normal — and a lot more careful around ‘parked’ cars!
I think the part of the story that makes me most sad is the big, thick line we seem to draw between our ‘selves’ and ‘the city’ or ‘the government.’ Didn’t we — all of us — used to BE ‘the town’? Or at least part of it?
What’s broken here is the thought process. As adults, it’s our job, duty, obligation, RESPONSIBILITY to teach our children about cause and effect. You hit a pothole with your bike tire, you’re going to fall. Deflecting blame won’t change the physics at work here or the law of cause and effect. We need to teach our children these laws of nature. Instead we teach them if something bad happens or they are unhappy about something, they need only blame someone else.
When we ignore or otherwise shirk our responsibility as a parent, aren’t we guilty of child abuse? When this kid grows up, he’s gong to need a good attorney – one willing to sue his mother for his childhood. Better yet, maybe the city should counter sue. And when she’s outraged and wondering why she’s being sued, the city should answer with “Helllooooooooooooo!” and her in the direction of this blog!
One thing I am wondering is if she is doing it because she doesn’t want to or can’t oay the medical bills. If the city was neglectful of repairing said pothole and she is poor, then the first thing to come to mind would be trying to get someone else to take the responsibility. If your stairs are in desrepair and a friend trips and drops a platter that she was taking home from your potluck wouldn’t you feel bad and offer to replace it? Should your friend be reprimanded for not being more careful? Yes, these things happen but I don’ think there’s anything wrong with someone taking responsibility for their neglectful actions that have caused someone else harm.
Thanks all. Good points! I HOPE that I said that I felt it was equally important for the city to meet its’ obligation — that may have been in a comment and not the original post. My intent is NEVER to vilify Moms. I believe that we all do the best we can with what we’ve got…. and I’ve become pretty ‘allergic’ to looking for someone else to blame.
I taught for a while at a preschool/kindergarten in Japan. When a child hurt himself there, he was cared for appropriately, and later was escorted back by his parents who all apologized for the mishap. They usually brought a food gift. No blame was put on the school for little Hiro dropping the flower pot on his foot or tripping over the leg of a chair… *sigh* Personal responsibility is all but dead in the US.
I adore your comment enough to be compelled to sign in and comment. Responsibility is the value that will make or break a child when he/she grows to adulthood. Taking detention time for a child is the epitomy of enabling more poor behavior. And prisons are full of those who didn’t learn responsibility in childhood. Little Hiro is a hero compared to what seems to be rampant in the USA.
This mom is basically telling her son that if something bad happens to you, it’s not you fault & you should find someone else to blame. I see him ‘slipping’ in a puddle that lies beyond ‘caution do not enter’ tape & suing in the near future.
We are all responsible for our own actions, young & old.
I’ll agree that the mother’s reported response–“helloooo”–was asinine. But the problem here is that there is no context given for the crash, so everyone just concludes that “accidents happen” and its the kid’s fault. Maybe this pothole was sitting in the middle of a bike lane that the kid was required by law to ride in, with a history of cyclist crashes caused by the pothole that was known to the city, with no remedial action for months or years.
I ride with my sone to school everyday here in New York City and can attest to such situations here. Sure, “actions have consequences”–but do such truisms impart meaning when applied to a scenario where we don’t know all of the relevant actions, and so can’t figure out who must bear the consequences?
I’m mostly with you. Mostly. If my child were injured this way, I can’t see us suing the city. We’d talk about safe riding strategies, get his friends to sign his cast. Yay for life lessons.
BUT.
Virginia has seriously BAD roads and VDOT seems disorganized in their response to them. Living on pothole-riddled city streets myself, I can see being frustrated with slow or no response on the part of the city, years of bad roads getting worse, and then thinking, you know? Maybe what the city needs to get moving is to realize the hazards involved, and to speak to them in a language they understand: lawsuits.
I know, that seems cynical, but I drive over roads every day that are so filled with holes that you can’t avoid them all, and I’ve occasionally hit one by surprise on my bike. I do think the city has *some* obligation to keep the streets passable, and if they don’t maintain them? Maybe this is one way for citizens to get VDOT to take notice.
Aside from that, I’m with you all the way. Personal responsibility is important, and often parents miss opportunities to model it for their children! Let’s just give them the benefit of the doubt sometimes, ok?
[…] Risk and… Hope? In Parenting on 05/10/2010 at 8:10 am Often when I pass along headlines it’s because I am blown away by what some parents have been taught to think about what is helpful to a child. These have been things like serving detention for them, teaching them to be fearful or what happens when bicycles and potholes meet. […]
[…] The Rewards of Teaching Risk In Parenting on 05/10/2010 at 8:10 am Often when I pass along headlines it’s because I am blown away by what some parents have been taught to think about what is helpful to a child. These have been things like serving detention for them, teaching them to be fearful or what happens when bicycles and potholes meet. […]
[…] that towns and cities are responsible to their citizens, I had a tough time getting my mind around a lawsuit that came from riding a bike through a […]
Andrea, being german it is very strange to read about the american culture of suing. Blame and entitlement is what that is about for me. No, do not think you are being mean. You tell these kinda stories in Germany and you will find everybody shaking their heads and making gestures that imply “cocooo!” Of course thats just us over here in Germany. We can get away with that. If I were in the states I might get sued for making that gesture. You never know!
Nadia ~ the expression my German friends use is “birds in the head.” Is that what you mean???? 😉
Andrea..you are certainly NOT mean. I’ve gone flying off of my bicycle for similar reasons but didn’t think once of suing the town. That’s craziness in my opinion. It’s amazing what life we can create for ourselves when we begin to take 100% responsibility for our own actions. Things like falling off a bike are bound to happen. Just teaches us what LIFE is all about. When you fall down, you get back up.
Sounds like this teaching moment was lost to greed. Makes me crazy. I slipped and fell on the ice outside of a gas station several years ago. I sprained my ankle pretty bad. I was shocked by how many people asked me If I was going to sue the owners. The thought never occurred to me.
Yeah, I’m not one to jump at law suits. I think they should be reserved for the severe neglect cases. This winter was so bad for everyone, including the city workers…especially the city workers. They are doing the best they can to repair the roads. Why was the kid riding in the middle of the street anyway?
I don’t get these people, Andrea, so you are not alone. It’s sad that no one wants to assume any responsibility in life and, in those cases, that’s what’s being taught to children…